Letting go of Control
St. Francis through Anina Davenport
Today we would like to talk about the concept of letting go of control. What does letting go of control mean? Does it mean you stop paying your mortgage or does it mean you don’t fix the water leak in the kitchen? Do you stop giving your children advice on how to live a full life (and that might include telling them to clean up their room every once in a while). No. This is not what we mean by letting go of control.
What it really means is you let go of the outcome. You do not try to control the outcome because you cannot. You can have a plan. You can be prepared for an event or plan to build a house for example but you don’t have control over what happens. Your contractor might become sick. The wood you receive does not work in your kitchen. Your daughter hates the paint in her new room. Your wife would rather live somewhere else although you have discussed the location of the new house before. So your control is limited. This is just a fact of life: Your control is limited.
Now we want you all to breathe. This is the first thing to do when things don’t go your way. You breathe, relax and take a break; a mental break. Instead of relaxing many of you now rush forward. Anxiety sets in and you go in overdrive. That is like driving in 1st gear on the highway. It is important to stop and think and put in the right gear before you drive on. “I don’t have complete control. Spirit please help me” is a good affirmation to say and it is true. You are not in total control. Maybe you think you should be or your parents told you that you should be the master of the universe but you are not. Instead you are the master of disaster. (Just a little joke; we are allowed a joke, aren’t we? [Laughter.])
Anyway you are not the master of disaster but things don’t always go the way planned and part of maturity is to learn to live with that. You cannot control your wife who told you a year ago that she loves this spot and would like to live there and now hates it. Obviously you cannot control her. If you think you can then you are most likely on your fifth marriage and completely stressed out (laughter). So the smart ones whether husbands or wives have figured out that they have to breathe, relax and see what happens. Who knows she might grow to like it, or not and then you have to go from there. You will either move or your wife will have to make a decision to live with this house and stop complaining, to you anyway (laughter).
Are there questions?
Questioner: Yes but we have some control don’t we.
St. Francis: Yes we like to use the analogy of the bow and the arrow. You center and relax and then you point the bow in a certain direction. Then you draw it back (this would be akin to making preparations) and then you let it go. You just let it go. You don’t chase after it and yell, “Go this way. Go this way.”
Questioner: So we do have control over where we point it?
St. Francis: Yes you do although many of you are now so aligned with spirit that you get up in the morning and you have a very strong idea about a certain project. What has happened to you is really that at night spirit talked to you. Your higher Self talked to you if you will and gave you all kind of ideas for a new direction.
Questioner: So it told me where to aim.
St. Francis: Yes it did. Now you still have free will to go against these suggestions although it would be not very smart to do so. Secondly these suggestions did not come from an outside agency because your higher Self or inner Self is really you as well. You are part of a vaster Self. Some call it the one Self. So things get complicated because that one Self operates from oneness while you have one foot in that world and another in duality so to speak. You have a body. You can go right even if your Self says, “Go left here. It is the easier and more joyful path.”
Let us get very practical here. You have some control and much is just up to spirit. Sometimes the outcome is also very influenced by other people’s egos. The trick is not to get attached. If a project does not work out or not work the way you thought, relax, take a break and see where to go next. Get centered, maybe with our golden ball exercise or doing yoga or whatever ways you have and then ask for highest good. Say, “Spirit where do I go from here? Show me.”
In a reading our instrument recently got the image of a mountain creek that is flowing down and comes to a big obstruction. Rather then fighting the obstruction (which is what humans often do) it went around it. It said (if it could speak), “Let me see if there is an easier way. Ah I can go around and through there. That’s fine.” And off it goes. The creek does not sit around crying because the original plan did not work. Nor does it blame the obstruction. “If that stupid bolder had not been there I would have made it to the valley at least three minutes earlier.”(Laughter.)
“The universe is abundant.” We want you to say this affirmation often, even if you don’t believe it. Keep saying it and see what happens. “The universe is abundant. There is another way. I can go around the bolder. I can wait a week and see what happens. I can open to abundance. Another plan might drop in.”
Control or excessive control comes from fear and beliefs that are based on the idea that the universe is your enemy. It is hostile, stingy and punitive. So then you get to thoughts such as, “This opportunity will never come back. I’ve lost it. There can never be another man or woman in my life. I will never be happy again. You have to fight for everything. Life is hard. Life is cruel. Nobody is to be trusted.” We can go on here if you wish but it seems we are starting to depress you a bit … (laughter).
Questioner: In my work as a therapist I often see couples where one person is controlling and another is very timid. Can you comment on that situation?
St. Francis: Well both are controlled by fear. One is afraid if she relaxes a bit, things will go to pieces and the other is afraid that if he speaks up all hell will break lose or maybe it is the other way around.
Questioner: It seems one is obviously controlling by bossing the other around and the other is often controlling in a passive way.
St. Francis: Yes and both suffer from a lack of trust in life. Affirm for a month. “I trust in life. I trust the choices I make. I trust that the universe is helping me.” In addition there is often childhood trauma and excessive fear that might need to be released as well.
Where we want you to be ideally is in flow. What does living in flow mean? It means you are not attached to the outcome of your creations although we do not suggest suppressing feelings. If you are disappointed with a certain outcome go ahead and have a good cry, use up a box of tissues if you want to but then move on. Life is about movement. It is about moving on. Another way of putting it is that life needs to be lived in the now. If you spent all your time in the past regretting this that or the other you are wasting your life.
Questioner: I am very controlling. How do I give up control?
St. Francis: A little at a time. You ask yourself, “Is this really worth getting upset about?” Every time you think world war 3 just broke out you stop and ask: “Is this really worth getting upset about? How much control do I really have?” A hint: It is usually limited. Let’s say your daughter comes home with bad grades. You do what you can do. You get her extra help. Have a plan for checking the homework. Have a talk with her. Explain the consequences of bad grades. Try to be supportive etc. and then you let go. You relax. You breathe. You put it in God’s hands or ask the one Self for help. You call on your favorite saint. There must be one for homework (laughter).
Questioner: I feel like I am a bad parent. I should be more supportive of my daughter or maybe I don’t discipline her enough. She would be good in school if I just worked harder at it.
St. Francis. You have to accept your daughter where she is right now. Maybe she is not as bright as you think she should be or maybe there is some medical problem or maybe she needs to work harder. You can go to professionals to help you figure some of that out. If you question your parenting skills then go and take a parenting class or read some books. But again there is only so much you can do and beating yourself up about it does not help. A question for you Martha (not real name), “Why do you think you should be perfect?”
Questioner: I don’t know.
St. Francis: Try to ponder that one for a bit. It is an illusion this idea that things should be different then they are at least at the moment. It is what it is. You are where you are. You are good enough.
Questioner: I never feel good enough.
St. Francis: Ah now we are getting somewhere and we think some readers just might have had a little epiphany as well. Try the affirmation “I am good enough exactly as I am.” for a month and see what happens. You might find that a lot of the anxiety of the situation will be released. You might still go to a parenting class but not because you are not good enough but because there are some skills you want to learn. Or maybe you will go and find you have all the skills and you did everything right so to speak but life is imperfect. Imagine that, life is imperfect. Things don’t always work out the way one thinks.
Questioner: Sometimes they work out better then one thought and at times maybe there is karma to work of.
St. Francis: Yes keep affirming highest good and see where your creations take you. Have some fun too. The unexpected can be your friend rather than your enemy if you do not fight it. Our love is with you on this adventure called life.
Copyright Anina Davenport 2006
Anina Davenport is the author of Reflections on Ascension and her new book Energetic Empowerment. To read an excerpt of Energetic Empowerment or to order go to www.IUniverse.com or call 1-800-AUTHORS. Anina can be reached at Aninadavenport@earthlink.net.
Saint Francis through Anina Davenport
Today we want to talk about purpose. First of all let us clarify what a purposeful life is. It is a life where you take action on your impulses from your Soul. If your Soul tells you to go to graduate school to do more studying you do so. You start to research programs, job opportunities, scholarships. You listen to your Soul. You follow the impulses that you do get from your Soul and Higher Self with action. If the action seems overwhelming do one step at a time
Purpose varies from person to person and it makes little sense to compare yourself with others. Not everybody for example has as part of his or her purpose the raising of children. Not everyone is meant to have a career and for some with disability or severe illness a big part of their purpose is just to take good care of themselves. So purposes vary. What is your purpose? It helps to split it up into areas: career, home life, personal relationships, contribution to society, personal growth. Part of your purpose might be for example to meditate regularly and to send out waves of peace and relaxation.
So let us do a visualization. First put the Archangels Michael, Ariel, Raphael and Gabriel in the four corners of the room. Call in Archangel Sandalphon to help ground you. Put a golden ball of light in your heart chakra and expand it beyond your body. Ask the light to clear you of negative energies and cords. Relax, breathe. Now ask your guides to help you and ask for highest good. Ask Mother Mary or Buddha or Jesus or whoever you trust to help you. Start with career. This is often the easiest one. Ask “What is my purpose career-wise?” Sit and breathe. Relax. Give it a while. Maybe you are seeing words or a picture or you get a sense of yourself working somewhere. Maybe at home or in an office, a school or a gym. Maybe you see nature. Maybe you are meant to work outside. You might also see your present place of work which could mean for now this is what you are meant to do. If you get nothing or confusing images don’t worry, often information comes later. Maybe on your walk later this afternoon or a friend will call and mention a certain career or something will jump out at you as you flip through TV channels late at night.
So don’t worry if nothing comes now. Write down what you do get and move to the next category. Ask about your purpose regarding your home life. Then move on to personal relationships, contribution to society and personal growth. You can add light work if you wish as an extra category or see it as part of ‘contribution to society’ and ‘personal growth’. You can do all the categories in one sitting or do some at another time. Then close down the meditation. Close your chakras back down, ground and get back to your regular life. Do the dishes or some other work that is not too mental. Give yourself some time to breathe and get back to this world.
Questioner: I got nothing for career. Well, I saw myself with my children.
Saint Francis: Then that is your career right now.
Questioner: In the category light worker I saw myself doing tapes and visualization and also I saw myself in bed sleeping.
Saint Francis: You do a lot of work in dream time. You help other people?
Questioner: Yes, I sometimes remember dreams where I talk to others and explain things or send energy.
Saint Francis: Yes, this is part of your purpose.
Questioner: I was told to go back to graduate school in the career section.
Saint Francis: Did you get a subject?
Questioner: Yes, languages. Maybe teaching. I think I will travel too. I saw myself on a plane learning a language from a book.
Saint Francis: Which language?
Questioner 2: I got nothing.
Saint Francis: Insights might come later or maybe you are doing what you need to do and don’t need more information.
Questioner: No, I think I am blocked.
Saint Francis: Relax. Don’t worry. Go for a walk. Take a ride in the countryside. Physical movement often helps the blocked to get unblocked.
Questioner: What else helps the blocked? I am too.
Saint Francis: Talking can help unless you use it to talk about how blocked you are and there is no way any insight will find you (Amused). Writing is helpful. Dancing, yoga, tai chi, even watching television can be helpful if it inspires you in some way. Do a course, a seminar. Get out. Go to the dog park, make a friend with two or four legs. Breathe. All that can help to unblock you. Read books that are inspiring and contain high energy. This can all help.
So play with the visualization. Do it alone or with a friend. Write it down. Put it on tape or do it in your head. Do it in quiet and then dance to music. Experiment.
Our love is with you.
Copyright 2006 Anina Davenport
Anina Davenport is the author of Reflections on Ascension and her new book Energetic Empowerment. To read an excerpt of Energetic Empowerment or to order go to IUniverse.com or call 1-800-AUTHORS. Anina can be reached at Aninadavenport@earthlink.net.
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